Hearing loss

***Superb Story***

Rakesh was worried that his wife was having an hearing problem and he thought she might need a  hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do,"
said the Doctor,
"stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet,
then 20 feet,
and so on until you get a response.."

That evening,
his wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner,
and Rakesh thought of testing the same.
He says to himself,
"I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.?"

Then in a normal tone he asks,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response....

So he moves closer to the kitchen,
about 30 feet from his wife and repeats,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still No response...

Next he moves to the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets No response...

So, he walks up to the kitchen door,
about 10 feet away.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is No response....

So he walks right up behind her,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

(You'll Love this)

"For God's sake Rakesh,
its  the FIFTH time I am telling you,
its 'AALOO PARATHA'.!"

Eat nails of her legs..

Meena had a habit of eating nails of her hand

Her parents sent her to Baba Ramdev's ashram for treatment.

Now

Meena can also eat nails of her legs..

Happy International Yoga Day..!!

MOTIVATING

What do you call a bee that comes from America?
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USB

No claps please!

What do you call a lady who drinks only one tea in a day?
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.
.

Jaswanti (Just 1 tea)!

One More ☝

Why don't people clap in Afghanistan?
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Because of 'Tali-ban'!

Acha ek or ☝

What will you call "Burj Khalifa" after 80 years?

Bujurg Khalifa!

Acha bas ek or ☝

How do you ask your 'Massi' to take a dip in water?

Diplomacy!
(Dip-lo-massi)

Ye wala last ☝

How do you say "she is calling a cab" in one word?
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Vocabulary!
(vo-cab-bula-ry)

Ye wala ek dum last☝

Which Pakistani cricketer does not have a date of birth?

Umar Gul..

Bonus One
What you call a fat girl waiting at the Bus Stop. Simple its - MOTIVATING.

Teacher children jokes

Children Are Quick and Always Speak Their Minds
_______________________________

Teacher: How old is your father?
Kid: He is 6 years.

Teacher: What? How is this possible?
Kid: He became father only when I was born.

Logic!!
_______________________________
TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA:         Here it is.

TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS:         Maria.
_______________________________
TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using the tables.
_______________________________
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  
(I  Love this child)
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:       Me!
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?         
GLEN:          Well, I'm a  lot closer to the ground than you are.  
_______________________________
TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  '
MILLIE:         I  is...

TEACHER:     No, Millie...... always say, 'I  am.'
MILLIE:         All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet'      
_______________________________
TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:          Because George still had  the axe in his hand......    
_______________________________
TEACHER:    Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.  
______________________________
TEACHER:       Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE   :         No sir, It's the same dog.    
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
____________________________
TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:     A teacher
___________________________
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PASS  IT AROUND ANDh MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
Don't we just love our teachers

Minding his own business!

A little boy was in a bus
eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another ...

A man next to him said,
"Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth??"

The boy replied,
"My grandfather lived for 132 years"
The man asked ,
"Was it because of eating chocolate?"

The boy replied,
No, he was always minding his own business!

Absolute Classic

Hello Teachers

A doctor and a teacher loved the same girl.
Doctor used to give her a rose daily and teacher used to give the girl an apple.
Girl got confused and asked teacher: There is a meaning of giving rose in Love. Why are you giving apple ?
Teacher answered : Because 
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away".

Hello Teachers

You Are 99...

Drunk Santa was driving and hit a policeman. Policeman died.

As a good citizen Santa decided to inform police.

He calls 100 and says

"Now You Are 99...

argument between a couple

A small argument between a couple turns violent.
           
Husband says: Don’t let the animal in me come out.
Wife replies: Who’s afraid of a mouse!!!
           
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

If wife wants husband’s attention,  she just has to look sad & uncomfortable.
    
If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.
           
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband…
    
“Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…
           
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married? That was common sense leaving your body.
           
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day!
Dad: What role are you playing?
Pappu: A husband!
Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!
           
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.
  
Man inside: “i am talking to my wife”
          
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
          
A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage.. She said- “sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of one idiot”
          
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!
           
            -x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
           
The sweetest msg -
Husband to wife : U should learn to embrace ur mistakes…..
           
She hugged him immediately. ..…

GAME OVER

Shortest rejected proposal

Boy - How many brothers do u have?

Girl - Including you 3

     
    (GAME OVER)

Very Fast...

A Japanese came to India.

He took AUTO 2 Go 2 Airport.

On d way a HONDA overtakes

Japanese said- HONDA made in JAPAN,very fast

Next TOYOTA overtakes,again He said-TOYOTA made in JAPAN...very fast

Airport came,he asked How Much?

Driver:Rs.800

Jap: Why so

Driver: METER made in INDIA, Very Fast...

KIND MANAGERS

A wealthy manager was driving in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.

"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".

"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.

One of the poor fellows turned to mr. Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"

Lesson: Never trust managers... They will take u to any extreme to finish their job.

And there is nothing like KIND MANAGERS