Mosquitoes

Wife: Wht r u doing?
Husband: Killing mosquitoes?
Wife: How many did u kill?
Husband: Total 5. Two females, 3 males.
Wife: How do u know their genders?
Husband: 2 near mirror and 3 near beer

Eva Benz.

Man to very beautiful airhostess:- "What's your name?"

Air hostess:- "Eva Benz.."

Man :- "Lovely name...any relation to Mercedes Benz?"

Air hostess:- (smiling) "maintenance cost is same"

Exam days

A Month before Exams, we prefer the books of
Foreign Authors

.

.

A Week before Exams, we prefer the books of
Local Authors

.

.

A day before Exam, trying to read Xerox Notes

.

.

On the day of Exam,

.

.

We become Authors.
.
.

"Bhai!
Tu bus heading dikha baki mai likh lunga."

Exam days

A Month before Exams, we prefer the books of
Foreign Authors

.

.

A Week before Exams, we prefer the books of
Local Authors

.

.

A day before Exam, trying to read Xerox Notes

.

.

On the day of Exam,

.

.

We become Authors.
.
.

"Bhai!
Tu bus heading dikha baki mai likh lunga."

गुप्ताजी की रिटायरमेंट पार्टी

एक फंक्शन चल रहा था ।
.
आयोजक ने देखा कि इन्विटेशन से ज़्यादा
लोग आये हैं ।
.
वो स्टेज पे गया और बोला:-
.
"जो जो लड़की वालों की तरफ से वो
इधर एक साइड में आ जायें"
10-15 आ गए एक तरफ .....
.
फिर उसने बोला :- जो लड़के वालों की
तरफ से है वो भी उधर आ जायें..."
10-15 लोग फिर आ गए.....
.
.
अब उसने एक डंडा ले के उन
सबको (लड़की वाले एवम् लड़के वाले को )
पीटना शुरू कर दिया ।
वो चिल्लाए :- "मार क्यों रहे हो ?"
आयोजक बोला :- "कमीनों ये गुप्ताजी की
रिटायरमेंट पार्टी है...!!"

Woman's tongue & Man's eye

~Small but very true~

Woman's tongue
&
Man's eye.

Rest Only when they die!

Feeling safe...

Aishwarya rai updates her status - feeling safe
Homeless men in bandra update their status - feeling safe
Vivek Oberoi updates his status - Feeling safe
Black buck in Rajasthan updates his status - Feeling safe.
.
.
.
.
.
Ranbir kapoor updated his status : Time to get married -feeling safe

Smart kid

Papa - ☺ Whom u like more
Muma or Papa..??

Kid - Both

Papa - No tell me 1..?

Kid - Both

Papa - If i go to America &
Your Mother go to Paris
Where will u go.?

Kid - Paris..

Papa - It Means You Like
Your Mother..?

Kid - No, Because Paris is
Beautiful than America..

Papa - If i go to Paris &
Your Mother goes to America
so Where will you go.??

Kid - America..

Papa - Why.?

Kid - Paris to Ghum Aaye
Na Papa.

Papa - Jaa bey
Maa key Chamche Jaa
School Jaa...
Happy mothers day

Self-Appraisal

A Little boy went to a telephone booth which   was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy: “Madam, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?”

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) “I already have someone to cut my lawn.”

Boy: “Madam, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now.”

Woman: “I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting the lawn.”

Boy: (with more perseverance) “Madam, I’ll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.”

Woman: “No, thank you.”

With a smile on his face, the little boy put the receiver down. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store-owner: “Son….I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.”

Boy: “No thanks.”

Store-owner: “But you were really pleading for one.”

Boy: “No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking
to!”

This is called "Self-Appraisal”

Give your best and the world comes to you !!

Maximum Decoration

Guess the Minimum area with Maximum Decoration..???!!
(This was asked in IAS exam!)...

Topper's Answer was:

   "A WOMAN'S FACE"...!!!

I am relocating....

A coffin maker was on his way to deliver one of his coffins one night when his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some easy money off him (bribe) so they challenged him
"Hey, what are you carrying and where are you going"?

The man replied
(You will love the answer)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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"I did not like where I was buried so I am relocating" . . . . . . . .��������

The policemen Fainted..!������