WHICH END

Very innocent question........

Son: daddy, I got punished in school today.
Dad: why?
Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me saying - "At the end of this scale there is an idiot"......

I just asked "WHICH END?. .."

Looking @ girls

Interesting requests by

Traffic dept:
"Donate blood, but not on Roads..."

Forest dept:
"Shoot the bird with camera not with gun..."

Petrol pump:
" No smoking" " ur life may be worthless but our petrol is costly"
An Excellent line written on a hospital board:- 
"If you still want to continue looking @ girls, even after your death ;
DONATE YOUR EYES.."

What is talent?

Rahul Gandhi is yet to start his career at 43 yrs and Sachin retired and awarded “Bharat Ratna” at 40yrs. .....that's called talent.

What is success?

In 1988 Tendulkar failed in English in 10th Std.
Now in 2014, 10th Std English 1st Lesson is about TENDULKAR. .....Thats success..

Very interesting msg to share

Funny women world

Short Facts......

Wife : "why are u home so early?"

Hubby :  "My boss said go to hell!"

        
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Doctor : How is ur headache ?
Patient : she's out of town.

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Marriage is like a public toilet...

Those waiting outside are desperate to get in &
Those inside are desperate to come out.

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No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life:
       (1) Mobile
       (2) Automobile
       (3) TV
       (4) Wife
Because, there is always a
better model in neighborhood

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Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.

It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!

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Whisky is a brilliant invention.

One double and you start feeling single again.         

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It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she love the most and when a man does that.

The slide show begins.

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Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:

All girls are devils,
but my wife is the queen of them.

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Q - You know why women love shoes?

Ans - Because no matter how much & whatever they eat , the shoes always fit..

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Q - Why can't Women Drive well?
Ans - Because there are so many mirrors in a car to distract them..

          
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Q - Why can't Women stand a day in a Jungle? ⛺

Ans - There are no Shopping Centers..

          
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Q - How to save a Dying Woman?

Ans - Tell her about a 90% Sale going on somewhere..

          
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Q - If a Woman is Quiet, which day is it?
Ans - Who Cares, just Enjoy that Day..

          
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The woman who invented the phrase ...
"All men are the same"
was a Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd.

          
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There are 3 kinds of men in this
world.
Some remain single and make
wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened....

          
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Wives are magicians........

They can change anything into an argument.

          
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Women live a Better, Longer &
Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
WHY?
A very INTELLIGENT man replied:
Women don't have a wife!

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Send this to all men for a good laugh and to women who can handle it... :-)
:-) ☺

Painful Truth

Death asked life:
Why does
everyone love you and hate me?
Life replied:
"Because I am a beautiful lie
And
You are a painful Truth"..
Good morning...!!!

Indian ladies @ Niagara Falls..

Best joke
At Niagara falls..!✔
Guide: I welcome you all to
Niagara Falls..
These are the world's largest
waterfalls & the sound intensity
of the waterfall is so high, even
20 supersonic planes passing by
can't be heard. Now I request
the indian ladies to keep quiet
so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls..!!!

These women!!!

Ø  A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book !!”

Ø A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband – the Master of the House’?  Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”.

Ø Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What’s the secret ?
Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.

Ø A man in Hell asked Devil : Can I make a call to my Wife ? After making call he asked how much to pay. Devil : Nothing. Hell to hell is Free.

Ø Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day.
Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day !

Ø Husband to wife – Today is a fine day. Next day he says : Today is a fine day. Again next day, he says same thing – Today is a fine day. Finally after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband – since last one week, you are saying this “Today is a fine day’. I am fed up. What’s the matter?
Husband : Last week when we had an argument, you said, “I will  leave you one fine day.” I was just trying to remind you……

Have a laugh, laughter is the best medicine...Pass it on..�� ��

Interview for a post of a commando

Just Laugh. ...

A man was being interviewed for a post of a commando in Army!

Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer instinct! So do you think you are eligible?

Man: Sir....  Can my wife apply?

Belief in the Power of Prayer

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!!!

The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.

Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.

Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.

The Church Denied all Responsibility!!!

So, the judge commented,

"It's Difficult to Decide the Case because here we have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer & an Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it"

Fear App

After massive demand from all husbands..........
A new app called.  "Fear"   is launched in iphone 7....
You just say..... 'Wife'..
and it immediately closes all websites,
hides all chats,
shuts down all games,
hide all special folders and deletes chat history!
and best above all,
it puts your wife's photograph as a wallpaper.

3 magical words..

Wife (after a fight) ...
Tell me those 3 magical words..
Husband: I love u
Wife : No not this

Husband : I like u
Wife : Again No not these 3 words

Husband : I miss u
Wife : Getting more angry....No no

Husband - Galti meri thi

Wife :YES

Johny johny..

Johny johny..
Yes papa!
Private job.
Yes papa!
Lot of tension..
Yes papa!
Too much work..
Yes papa!
Family life..
No papa!
Bp-sugar..
High papa!
Yearly bonus..
Joke papa!
Monthly pay..
Low papa!
Personal life..
Lost papa!
Weekly off!
ha! ha! ha!

Mini Heart Attack

It's like a Mini Heart Attack, wen Men don't find their Mobile in their Pocket...
&
It's almost like a Brain Hemorrhage, When they see it in Wife's hand..
   --------------------------------------------
Male criteria for life partner...
They expect their women to Look like "Miss Universe" and
Work like"Shanta Bai..."

Females' criteria for life partner.... They expect their man to earn like ...Ambani  & behave like Manmohan Singh.

Dedicated to all couples

All present

Some ladies were sitting in a park every day. One man was observing them daily as they were talking n laughing loudly.

1 day he observed every body was silent . There must be some serious issue or incidents happened .

So he went to 1 lady n ask,  Why every body is silent today?

The lady replied: 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
All are present today...

Active-Passive..

Active-Passive..

Wife: sone ki chain kab doge?

Husband: chain se sone kab dog

Life!!

College life is like Reliance!
Karlo Duniya Mutthi Mein

Bachelor Life is Like Airtel!
Aisi Azadi aur Kahan

After Engagement is Like Idea!
Jo Badal de aapki Duniya

After Marrige is like Vodafone!
Where you go.. network Follows

After Kids is like BSNL!
All lines are Busy

but friendship is like LIC
Zindagi ke saath bhi
Zindagi ke baad bhi!!

Child speaks

In a Nursery School Canteen...
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There's a basket of apples with a notice written over it :-

"Do not take more than one, God is watching"

On the other counter there's a box of chocolates,
A small child went & wrote on it.
"Take as many as U want, God is busy watching the apples"...
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NEVER ACT SMART WITH Today's Generation..!.!

KID :- Why some of ur hair are white dad...?
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DAD : – Every time you make me unhappy , one of my hair turns white…

KID :- Now understand why grandpa’s hairs are all white…

Moral :- Don’t be over smart...

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Child : Mummy why Gandhi has no hair on his head...?
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Mummy : Because he speak only truth...

Child : Now I understud why ladies have long hair...
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Don't laugh alone, share with others

Optimistic teachers

'And we never write anything negative", says.....a teacher at the school. "Even if there is scope for improvement, it is put across in a positive manner"...
The Times of India, September 5
 
Dear Parent,
We are delighted to inform you that your child displays remarkable initiative. Not for him the simple-minded obedience to teachers. We refer to his admirable refusal to do homework. We have, however, humbly requested him to stoop to our level and condescend to do his homework. Your support is appreciated.
Yours anxiously,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
Your child's distaste for mundane subjects such as mathematics shows an imaginative mind. Why, he wonders, does the square of the hypotenuse have to be equal to the square of the other two sides in a right-angled triangle? It is no wonder that he has scored a splendid zero in his math exam. Unfortunately, even brilliant students have to pass exams. Could you gently break that news to him?
Yours entreatingly,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
We are pleased your child has one of the same qualities that Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company, possessed. Like him, your son believes that history is bunk. But it may be best to disabuse him of the notion that the Mughal emperors were Amar, Akbar and Anthony.
Yours beseechingly,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
Your child submitted a blank paper for last week's science test, influenced perhaps by Albert Camus who said 'Whether the earth or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound indifference'. Your son shares that profound indifference, undoubtedly for philosophical reasons. But could you inform him that in order to study philosophy, he has to pass class eight first?
Yours plaintively,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
Your son has obviously read Friedrich Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil, which is why he was copying from the boy next to him during yesterday's test. Like Nietzsche, he believes that Supermen like him have little use for conventional notions of morality. The teacher who caught him copying is a conventional type who gave him zero.
Yours desperately,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
We are impressed by your child's knowledge of martial arts. In the past month, he has broken two legs, four arms and three noses. He also shows prudence while fighting, taking care to pick on weaker boys. For some reason, however, the fathers of the boys who were beaten up are planning to go to your home with hockey sticks.
Yours wretchedly,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
Your son has a talent for using colourful language. Why, just the other day he called me a 'silly ass', 'old hag' and an 'a***hole'. Please come to school so that I could tell you more such colourful terms, which you can then use on him, which will help his vocabulary.
Yours gleefully,
Teacher

Maid problem

Huge Maid problem in India....

govt banned maid under 15 yrs....

wives have banned maid above 15 yrs....

husbands banned maids above 50 yrs