Johny johny..

Johny johny..
Yes papa!
Private job.
Yes papa!
Lot of tension..
Yes papa!
Too much work..
Yes papa!
Family life..
No papa!
Bp-sugar..
High papa!
Yearly bonus..
Joke papa!
Monthly pay..
Low papa!
Personal life..
Lost papa!
Weekly off!
ha! ha! ha!

Mini Heart Attack

It's like a Mini Heart Attack, wen Men don't find their Mobile in their Pocket...
&
It's almost like a Brain Hemorrhage, When they see it in Wife's hand..
   --------------------------------------------
Male criteria for life partner...
They expect their women to Look like "Miss Universe" and
Work like"Shanta Bai..."

Females' criteria for life partner.... They expect their man to earn like ...Ambani  & behave like Manmohan Singh.

Dedicated to all couples

All present

Some ladies were sitting in a park every day. One man was observing them daily as they were talking n laughing loudly.

1 day he observed every body was silent . There must be some serious issue or incidents happened .

So he went to 1 lady n ask,  Why every body is silent today?

The lady replied: 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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All are present today...

Active-Passive..

Active-Passive..

Wife: sone ki chain kab doge?

Husband: chain se sone kab dog

Life!!

College life is like Reliance!
Karlo Duniya Mutthi Mein

Bachelor Life is Like Airtel!
Aisi Azadi aur Kahan

After Engagement is Like Idea!
Jo Badal de aapki Duniya

After Marrige is like Vodafone!
Where you go.. network Follows

After Kids is like BSNL!
All lines are Busy

but friendship is like LIC
Zindagi ke saath bhi
Zindagi ke baad bhi!!

Child speaks

In a Nursery School Canteen...
⛽⛽⛽
There's a basket of apples with a notice written over it :-

"Do not take more than one, God is watching"

On the other counter there's a box of chocolates,
A small child went & wrote on it.
"Take as many as U want, God is busy watching the apples"...
⛽⛽⛽
NEVER ACT SMART WITH Today's Generation..!.!

KID :- Why some of ur hair are white dad...?
⛽⛽⛽
DAD : – Every time you make me unhappy , one of my hair turns white…

KID :- Now understand why grandpa’s hairs are all white…

Moral :- Don’t be over smart...

⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽

Child : Mummy why Gandhi has no hair on his head...?
⛽ ⛽ ⛽
Mummy : Because he speak only truth...

Child : Now I understud why ladies have long hair...
⛽ ⛽ ⛽ ⛽ ⛽ ⛽ ⛽
Don't laugh alone, share with others

Optimistic teachers

'And we never write anything negative", says.....a teacher at the school. "Even if there is scope for improvement, it is put across in a positive manner"...
The Times of India, September 5
 
Dear Parent,
We are delighted to inform you that your child displays remarkable initiative. Not for him the simple-minded obedience to teachers. We refer to his admirable refusal to do homework. We have, however, humbly requested him to stoop to our level and condescend to do his homework. Your support is appreciated.
Yours anxiously,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
Your child's distaste for mundane subjects such as mathematics shows an imaginative mind. Why, he wonders, does the square of the hypotenuse have to be equal to the square of the other two sides in a right-angled triangle? It is no wonder that he has scored a splendid zero in his math exam. Unfortunately, even brilliant students have to pass exams. Could you gently break that news to him?
Yours entreatingly,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
We are pleased your child has one of the same qualities that Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company, possessed. Like him, your son believes that history is bunk. But it may be best to disabuse him of the notion that the Mughal emperors were Amar, Akbar and Anthony.
Yours beseechingly,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
Your child submitted a blank paper for last week's science test, influenced perhaps by Albert Camus who said 'Whether the earth or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound indifference'. Your son shares that profound indifference, undoubtedly for philosophical reasons. But could you inform him that in order to study philosophy, he has to pass class eight first?
Yours plaintively,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
Your son has obviously read Friedrich Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil, which is why he was copying from the boy next to him during yesterday's test. Like Nietzsche, he believes that Supermen like him have little use for conventional notions of morality. The teacher who caught him copying is a conventional type who gave him zero.
Yours desperately,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
We are impressed by your child's knowledge of martial arts. In the past month, he has broken two legs, four arms and three noses. He also shows prudence while fighting, taking care to pick on weaker boys. For some reason, however, the fathers of the boys who were beaten up are planning to go to your home with hockey sticks.
Yours wretchedly,
Teacher
 
Dear Parent,
Your son has a talent for using colourful language. Why, just the other day he called me a 'silly ass', 'old hag' and an 'a***hole'. Please come to school so that I could tell you more such colourful terms, which you can then use on him, which will help his vocabulary.
Yours gleefully,
Teacher

Maid problem

Huge Maid problem in India....

govt banned maid under 15 yrs....

wives have banned maid above 15 yrs....

husbands banned maids above 50 yrs

42°+ temperature....

42°+ temperature....

Dear Sun,
Please go to settings>display>brightness and lower your brightness! Please its too hot to handle!

Sun replied...
I have not changed any settings.
Please go to your settings and...
1. Increase number of trees...
2. Reduce carbon emissions levels...
3. Reduce concrete jungles...
4. Increase number of lakes...

Basically, switch to human mode from auto mode...!!!

HR interview..

These are few questions asked in HR interview...  The answers are really stunning and inspiring........ Thinking out of the box...!  A must READ......

Question 1:

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:

* An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

* An old friend who once saved your life.

* The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

Question 2:

What will you do if I run away with your sister?

The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"

Question 3:

Interviewer (to a student girl candidate)   What if one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl   I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked.

Question 4:

Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"

He got selected.

You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.

(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U   alphabet) Reply was "TEA" ( T   alphabet)

Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"

Question5;

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.

Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked,

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

___

Sometimes just thinking out of the box is all it takes!

Gavaskar fainted...

Dedicated to cricket lovers here:

Sunil Gavaskar recently went on an Australia tour where he was invited for the screening of an Australian movie named "Gavaskar"

He was overjoyed, humbly accepted the invitation and went for the screening.

After sitting through the full movie, he realized it was nowhere related to Sunil Gavaskar or even to the game of Cricket!

Out of fury, he questioned the director "Are you out of your mind? Why did you name this movie Gavaskar, and made no mention of me or Cricket in the whole movie?"

The director replied - "So Mr. Gavaskar, now you know, how we Australians felt when you Indians made a movie named BORDER and there was no mention of Alan Border and cricket in it???"

Gavaskar fainted...